When you are pregnant so much talk is generated around the question, 'do I get my hair colored or wait until after the pregnancy?' I caved in after the first trimester and did my typical, safe, no-drama, all over hair coloring and felt like a million dollars. Now that I'm post-partum and have been fantasizing for months about my makeover in body, fashion and hair I realize the hair makeover needs to happen now! If I were to chop all my hair off and go pixie, like I did for years back in college, I'd be more salt than pepper. I'm only 32....sad to say, it's genetic. Should the makeover be drastic and be natural? Ha! That may make me feel like I owe someone a million bucks!
I'll cope with the gray by covering it up with some copper and chocolate! I need to feel like a million bucks these days as lately I've been having numerous moments of feeling like a parental FAILURE! It's no post-partum depression folks, it's called being a mother of more than one child and dealing with the adjustment. It's tough, it's rough, it's exhausting, it's tasking, it's emotionally draining....and all the while, some miraculous force provides you with energy that gets you to tackle the escalating situations, one after another.
I'm praying more, I'll tell you that. Praying for strength to hold my cool, praying for diligence so I don't become a push over or overlook what needs to be seen, praying for joy so I can relish in the small moments rather than fester over the big ones...praying for my husband, praying for my support crew...praying for my children. Praying that I stop getting more gray hairs and that my tummy will continually shrink-but at an exponentially faster rate!
All in all, I wouldn't trade the stretch marks and saggy belly, my current fashion size of 14 plus, the gray hairs, or even the chalk on the walls, the blow-out diapers or barf on my shirt for ANYTHING ELSE. Two children (two babies, really) change your heart then change your reality...but thank God they change your heart first-your heart gives you the strength to manage the every-hour-on-the-hour breastfeeding sessions...your heart gives you the strength to put both feet on the floor each day...your heart gives you the strength to deal with spousal tension...your heart gives you the strength to have patience first, then compassion, followed with action.
I suppose since I can't blame my mirror for my reality of aging, my heart gives me grace to accept the things I cannot change.
