Saturday, October 24, 2009

Simple Moments






Her personality is becoming stronger and stronger. Hats are a must, and now I'm realizing so are the shoes-even if they don't match. She has been known to wear one shoe from one pair and another shoe from another pair over wearing either the same shoes or no shoes. If a hat is lying around it's hers. Watch out, it could get ugly if you think it belongs to you. The other day our morning started with the desire for wearing a swimmer (diaper that is for wearing in the pool) as a hat. How could we deny her the fun...so sure enough she began prancing through her bedroom with this Finding Nemo swimmer tight upon her head like an odd shaped beanie! She truly thought it was the coolest since the introduction of ketchup on her lunch plate.

I've had a real difficult week with Kaitlyn. While I lightly declare that her personality is becoming stronger and stronger, it's not a light matter. Along with the strong willed behavior echoing throughout our day, she has become quite fond of convulsive like tantrums. Moms may not ever want to reveal this truth about their kids so they keep this shadow trait under wraps, but sorry, I know I'm not the ONLY one with a daughter who flings her legs haphazardly while knocking her head back and swinging her arms all simultaneously as she tumbles to the nearest floor surface. It's awful to watch, it's awful to cope with, and it's just as awful to try and understand it.

Yesterday one occurred when I told her I couldn't carry her down the 16 steps in our home (no matter that she didn't have a clue that my level of comfort with this pregnancy at 39 weeks, 1 day was absolutely non-existent and that some minor contractions were occurring)...the tantrum began and didn't end for what felt like an eternity. I was a breath away from sobbing over her when trying to calm her down....what finally saved the moment was my screeching back. Her whole body was startled. Then laughter set in and before I knew it, we were looking at the prism rainbows on the wall of the stairwell, formed by our leaded glass window, and inching our way down the steps. What just happened? It was crazy. I was exhausted over it. She carried on into her afternoon like nothing ever happened. Oh my.

Today was quite different. While we encountered a mild tantrum, today was a day that reminded me how incredible children are-the joy they can bring into your life, the stillness they can bring into your mind and the laughter they can put upon your heart. Kaitlyn loves chalk-she loves crayons, too, but chalk is a bit more exciting as we always do it outside with the elements of nature surrounding us. As I sat in the distance, looking up here and there from my mail, I would find myself in awe over her contentment with chalk. She makes her way around the concrete patio, marking lines over and over in one color then retraces her steps with another color, adding more lines to contrast the design. It's really quite a process to watch unfold. The entire time she is engaged in this, she is engaged in nothing else. Totally absorbed in the moment. I captured her as it brought me stillness and gratitude-something I was lacking after the tumultuous encounter of yesterday!

Despite what is normal, expected behavior, a tantrum will never be something I like to think is normal, expected behavior. It's grueling to be around and even harder to soothe. I must say patience is truly a virtue. It takes great patience to set aside your own emotional distress and remain calm for the little one. I now face the question why? Why does Kaitlyn have such BIG outpours of frustration? It could be for no other reason than it's 'normal and expected behavior' to a litany of other off the wall ideas that all could have weight! I just know it's 'lets test mother out' time and it's tough. What doesn't kill me makes me stronger, right? Please remind me of this when three weeks from now, Steve returns to work, Grandma and Nana are back into their own routines and I'm flying solo around here with a newborn and a strong-willed toddler. I am anticipating some extremely difficult moments, I might actually sob a few times...I can almost sob thinking about it.

One day at a time. Savor the delight of today as tomorrow who knows what it will bring!