Kaitlyn, Kaitlyn, Kaitlyn

For a brief moment I was saddened that I have not posted since just over a month ago. I had secretly vowed to myself that I would blog more frequently and truth be told I've had the time but not the desire. For most of this past month I've had a sour taste in my mouth. My sweet Kaitlyn will be the one to give me a stomach ulcer, premature gray, high blood pressure, acne, extreme cramping and quite possibly unhealthy stress lines over laughter lines. Oh well is what I say to it all tonight. She's a kick in the pants and sometimes has an attitude I wish I could kick away by whatever healthy discipline tactic there is. I've come to realize she's an over the top sassy, independent, highly smart/brilliant, overly stimulated child that knows my number all too well. We butt heads more than I'd like to admit and while I may feel like a confident mother, it takes her one phrase, screamed, mind you, to get my floodgates highly strained from holding back the tears. Her aggressive moments of screaming phrases come about at the most random times and are no appropriate conversation starter.

"I don't need you mommy. Go away."

"Get me out of here, I am not looking at you."

"I want to kill you." (Don't fret, this phrase has been verbalized twice-and while it did kill me for the moment, I've moved on, worked through it).

Yes. It's heartbreaking, it makes you wonder where these phrases can come from within one little mind. I actually am not certain that spelling out some of my examples are even worth making public, but in reality, I know I'm not alone and what I've come to conclude in my quest for healthy discipline is that no one talks about this stuff. I need to talk. I'm driven by connecting and finding resolution and when my daughter and I butt heads as often as we do, it's been an edgy ride over here.

Now, what I realize is that I'm merely at the beginning of this life long relationship with over the top sassy, independent, highly smart/brilliant, overly stimulated Kaitlyn. I wonder what's in store for me with each passing year...so far, I cringe. On the flip side of this dark side, I am learning so much about myself. Why do I get into such a head spin when she acts out? Why is it just with me and not with Steve or anyone else? How can I more effectively set boundaries with her while also maintain a nurturing sense? My answer as of late is loaded. First and foremost, I'm not aggressive by nature. I sure feel like I've emanated this more often lately, but in becoming aware of myself, nothing works when I allow my emotions to spiral and control me. Montessori practices in her current preschool are my saving grace. Very simple redirecting has it's place in my mind. I'm not yet highly effective with this, but I see I get better results, faster, when I employ a more calm, affirming tone with her while removing her from a situation to diffuse really me, but by default, also her. Next, these emotions I get as a reaction to her animated contrary statements and the like, are currently taking me on an analytical roadmap of my brain. I'm sorting through emotions from past experiences in my life that are similar in emotional response and figuring out how to resolve it. One could say I'm doing some self-improvement over here? Talk to me in a month and see where I'm at...

Because Kaitlyn continues to love me, express her love to me and with those around her; because Kaitlyn does eventually listen and does act obedient when in the 'older sister, teaching younger brother' mode...her love over rides any ill addressed verbiage she may push my way. It still hurts. I'm still sour at times. But, I, like every other mother out there, is on a learning curve. We don't have all the answers and we sure don't have the template to follow, the one size fits all handbook. That would just be too easy, now wouldn't it?

Words Worth Writing

Dylan was found straddling his crib this week.

Kaitlyn loves brushing her teeth and having her hair combed (I told her that if she didn't take care of her hair daily then it would end up looking like Uncle Garrett's...we both gasped at the thought)!

Dylan has officially annoyed me when shopping. I've reached my limit, shopping with both kids no matter the time of day is just too much testing of my patience.

We experienced a store walk out this week as both kids were in the throws of tantrum hell. Time out was had by both on the store's sidewalk....a mere 3 minutes later I had angels in my cart. Hmmm.

Kaitlyn's chores now include adding a new trash bag to the trash container in the kitchen and feeding Cosimo, I like how this is progressing. Dylan, on the other hand, continually loves to vacuum, sweep, and take the trash out (all but the trash is done solo)!

Off to slumber...photos of our trip are next....I do promise this, I do!

Travels of Time...

I am amazed at the growth of both Dylan and Kaitlyn since my last post. Growth both physically and emotionally. Steve pointed out how social the kids have become and I think we both silently attribute this new found comfort within the public eye to our recent travels abroad. As many of you know, we took a 12 hour flight directly to Rome on the 25th of June (Dylan's first airplane experience) and boarded a Royal Caribbean Cruise Ship, the Navigator of the Seas for a seven night Mediterranean adventure followed by four nights in Rome. Sparing the litany of details, some of the key highlights to this trip:

Merita: our Trinidad Stateroom Attendant. She was responsible for our nightly towel folded animals found in sheepish locations as to offer an element of surprise (turtle, flying bat, mouse...to name a few); doing Kaitlyn's hair for the last Formal Night on the ship which basically illustrated to me that I'm really a white chic when it comes to figuring out what to do with Kaitlyn's curls; and continual child play with the kids-she had Dylan giving her kisses by day 2 and Kaitlyn would have been fine if we had Merita actually put her bed (which never happened, mind you...but that's how engaged the two of them were)!

Lost Luggage: despite not having our children's luggage until day six of this seven day cruise, we sure found appreciation for the fact that I had packed a set of PJs and a second set of clothes along with four extra panties for Kaitlyn in our carry on. I realized if my luggage would have been lost I wouldn't have handled it with the carefree spirit like that of the kids. They just didn't know any different and heck, when you are Kaitlyn and get to wear pink leggings day in and day out, Life is GRAND!

Malta, surprise stop: Athens was on the original itinerary but due to some strikes and demonstrations being planned on the week we were to visit, our itinerary detoured to Valletta, Malta. Ummm....no one needs to give this a Plan B title. It could have always been Plan A as the stop at this port was picturesque upon first spotting it on the horizon. Steve took incredible pictures as we approached the port with the morning sun warming the hue of the native limestone rock used to build the walled ancient city.

Shoulder Shrug: Dylan, our little flirt. Merita for certain was on his list of girlfriends, but so, too, became Simona (Italian native from Cesara), his 16 year old sweetheart. He developed this adorable shoulder shrug that he would spontaneously do, drawing forth all sorts of audiences, cheek pinches and tummy touches. Next to rising his shoulders up to drown out his ears, was his overly friendly 'Hello' to all in the elevators complete with an arm extended and fingers flapping!

Babies R Us Strollers: Store brand umbrella strollers were purchased for our trip, one in blue with green looking pac man figures and one in pink with an obnoxious hibiscus floral pattern. Sure to be found when in a crowd-these strollers were carted through old ancient Roman pavers throughout the famed Colosseum (one of the Wonders of the Middle Ages), the Temple of Artemis at Ephesus (one of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World), numerous windy street ways and the 14 polished floors of the Navigator of the Seas. If only we had a pedometer to track the mileage...

Auntie Jessie, our Nanny: yes, Auntie Jessie came along to support us with the kids and she did more than support us with the routines and logistics of the children...she kept us on schedule, always had an answer for where we were headed during the next port stop, next dinner reservation or immediate next hour. She held her own with managing the quick witted tongue of Kaitlyn and momma's boy cling-wrap named Dylan, so much so that I took notes. It became a trip where I was privy to watching firsthand how to effectively contain unruly behavior within the course of a two minute time out; be coached on how to do it myself and then provided feedback when I did it. Ummmm....Nanny bootcamp for me and even for Steve-it was a real gift to have her along on this trip not only for the children portion of it, but as we've come to calculate, Jess and I have been friends for over 29 years. A trip of this sort was a lifetime opportunity!

Fruncle Denis: having your own private Priest to take you on a tour of Rome is surely something people would pay high dollar for and rightfully so-Denis was intense, immense with knowledge and a touch insane. We shared the best meals of our trip with him, were privy to symbolism and historical depictions found within massive murals that lined walls of chapels within some of the most elaborate cathedrals, we witnessed his devout nature in true form and engaged in personal introspective late night talks (for Steve and Denis this was generally coupled with a bottle of sorts); he guided us well to ensure we explored the cupola of St. Peter's Basilica and experience the not so common Vatican Necropolis-Scavi Tour. The Pope was actually in our path (for Jessica and for Denis...Steve and I were with the kids at our residence), and proved to be a real memorable moment for Jessica. Gelato was introduced to us intentionally on the first day and was enjoyed everyday that followed! The children took to him as a familiar face which made for easy touring-despite the fear of death that flashed through each of us as Denis stumbled upon Kaitlyn's mortality hanging over our third level balcony, legs fully suspended in the air....thank you Denis for your swift action.

Privo Shoes: my favorite sandal this entire trip was my Privo sandal...not so much my Teva's. Privo took me everywhere in her bronzed leather T-strap. I felt constant comfort and even a touch of style near all the gladiator renditions that surrounded me!

Enough of the words....my next post will illustrate the memories had that will stain my heart and mind for years to come!

The current stages...

My girlfriend called today and we both shared a moment when we spoke of her daughter turning five! It's just incredible how this journey of motherhood takes flight and in no time you are facing not a toddler but a kindergardener...Today I'm in awe at the developmental stages both Dylan and Kaitlyn have fully embraced. Let's start with Big D! He's a T A N K...completely solid and strength of not just a lion but a lion-phant. Yup, take the size of an elephant and add that protective spirit of the lion and you have now visualized what Dylan is becoming.

His latest and greatest isn't all that great as it entails a lot of clean-up. Spitting/splattering his food out followed with laughing. Stuffing all sorts of objects from macaroni to crayons and playdough into all openings of his high chair and behind the pad of his seat...

His typical hello to anyone that is within arms reach involves a slap, repetitive hits on the head or body slamming. The latter is just awful as most children, due to the element of surprise, just fall right over. In order to prevent his aggressive greeting I follow his every move when in a crowd of little ones saying over and over, 'High Five Dylan, High Five'. Sure enough, upon hearing it the arm swings turn into a lovely game of high five with all the new friends. Thank You God for making toddlers so forgiving!

He mimics everything that Kaitlyn does down to how to hold his fork. She is starting to realize that what she does truly impacts him so I am seeing more and more little Miss Helpful blossoming around the house as she loves to teach him how to do things.

Dylan is speaking so much and since I spend my every waking hour with him all his jumbled sounds make sense to me. We seem to converse about the things he wants...or we identify all the things he asks about by saying, 'What's that?' Last week he figured out not only how to say NO, but that it really does have a meaning. He's no shy boy with NOOOOOOO. It's said with that exaggeration, too!

Being all boy can be best summarized by the following:

Dylan has experience three major falls in the past 24 hours and isn't phased: 1.) he literally flipped with perfect form, off Kaitlyn's bed landing on his back. He cried out of surprise for a mere two minutes and then went right up on her bed, jumping again and laughing. 2.) He has crashed on the concrete sidewalk from running too fast, skidding his knee only slightly but truly crashing down. 3.) He fell off the kids picnic table onto his head on the concrete patio tonight-cried fairly hard for another two minutes and then was off distracted by a toy. Brutal. He will have battle scars by the age of three and be drafted for the NFL by 12! Yikes.

The other being all boy statement to share is his obvious interest for girls, especially Cinderella and Belle. Hmmm. Yes, upon opening Kaitlyn's Beauty and Beast book, the image was of the prince and Belle at the end of the fairy tale, gazing into each others eyes. Dylan didn't give two cents for the prince, but Belle...that boy made some ohhh ahhh sounds and smack! Kissed Belle, not only once, but twice followed with more oohhhh and ahhh sounds. As for Cinderella, well, she is plastered all over Kaitlyn's PJs and numerous toys that Dylan points her out and calls her name, 'Cdrella, Cdrella'. My boy, oh my boy.

Now Kaitlyn is the big three year old and lets us know daily. She was so aware of her birthday leading up to the big day and then afterwards, she knew she inherited a new age. We aren't too certain where she is going with her interests as right now one day to the next she is all over the place....maybe I can capture an idea of what it's like:

She loves music-requests her favorites and will sing along to the lyrics.

Next day she yells, 'turn it off. I don't like that song.'

Music class one week she will be so engaged, taking in the entire lesson of whole notes and C key recognition, singing along with the teacher and playing the drums with great rhythm. The following week she proclaims she doesn't like guitars or the piano and only wants to draw snails from the original whole note image on the paper.

One morning she jumps out of bed with great enthusiasm for school and then ten minutes later is in a hissy over her complete disdain for school. And on that same vein, she completely dislikes pants and shorts (the kind that have buttons & zippers), certain shirts in her drawer and has a preference for wearing shirts with sleeves no matter the weather outside.

Going to the bathroom is a given 20 minute endurance test of patience-she will sit and sit and sit no matter how rushed you may be, she will still have to go something...more pee-pee or poop. In other-wards, don't rush her, don't tell her you have to go anywhere, just ignore her and she'll wrap it up fairly swiftly-at least faster than trying to intervene.

She is a nurturing little sweetheart in between being Miss Loud Bossy Big Sister. Her imagination is so over the top these days that we are often engaged in some Kaitlyn story about anything and everything. When offering feedback to her story she will flat out tell you to stop talking. It's just hilarious even though some days I pull my hair out over it! When she is mis-understood you will find her go into this crazy body wiggle act. Her arms and legs are flinging everywhere as she is huffy and crying about whatever you may have said that wasn't what she either wanted to hear or what she was trying to talk about. Again, pulling hair out...yes. I just might be bald sometime between this stint of her being three and turning four!

She still wears tutu's with flair-often paired with something that doesn't match, a pair of leggings and without hesitation if the weather was cold enough, her ladybug rain boots. It's a style for certain, spunky and independent. Actually, quite stylish for her age-I can see this bud into a fashion-centric characteristic of hers! Her nails are constantly painted as she constantly loves the fluff and frill of the process. She clears her plate after any meal, takes it to the sink and pushes in her chair. She's a terrific encourager. I believe I was drawing her a mermaid the other day and during the drawing she was saying, 'Mommy, this is awesome! You are doing a great job'!! It's just such an authentic burst of excitement you want to record it!

She, and Dylan are just precious in their unique ways. Very lively-the two together and individually, well...they each have their own demands that keep me either laughing or yes, going bald!

Shots of great times...

It's been a LONG time coming. I know. These photos are just a snippet of my iphone uploads. I realized as I was transferring the files that I snap so many shots while on the go but then as if I never took them, they stay in my phone lost in the electronic web of time. No longer...these are my favorites and cover the last three months of some exciting adventures, parkdates, playdates, shopping excursions and overall classic hours spent in our home!

...now in month three of big girl swinging!

In her words, "Mommy, I'm playing the stand up bass"!

Hanging with cousin Chiara. Carousels and suckers, what more do these children need?

This may be an indication of what is to come when Dylan has more hair.

And Kaitlyn, too....

My favorite image capturing his fro...

Who painted who? First water coloring session as siblings.

One of our favorite parks-the kids can run, and run, and run. Then, they nap. It's great logic.

Kaitlyn's Airel Princess Shoes-the only shoe of four pairs we tried on that she immediately stated, "These feel great, mommy. Yes, these are the shoes." Note, she actually pointed to the box as they came out stacked with the other sandals and stated then that she wanted that pair.

Our Easter Eggs. First year of coloring together!

Dylan with his 'twin' Luke at the park.

I'm not sure if this is any indication for what preference of transportation he'll desire...but, if you ask me, he does look like a natural!

The sunglasses do it for me. Too cool for words!

That's my boy!

Halle Berry at the Revlon Walk/Run 5K I did with a few girlfriends...She is way tinier than I ever imagined. Fun stuff-ran the route in 33 minutes!

Mother's Day and a carousel. Happy Girl. Happy Mother.

Sitting atop the biggest lady bug ever! This silly Kaitlyn look is so typical! See the atitude already?

Putting lipgloss on her girlfriend...oh my! These two girly girls were up to their ears in dazzling frills and sparkly lips!

A Mother's Day Note

It's the end of Mother's Day and I feel exhausted but truly celebrated. While I wish Mother's Day rang well into multiple days, much like the the Jewish Passover, or the Muslim 30 day Ramadan, I will take a 24 hour spread of time. Being a Mother is like no other chapter of my life and quite frankly I couldn't go back to any previous one even though I can daydream at times of being child-free so I could carelessly shop on a whim and take overly long showers with loud music channelled throughout the house! Oh, those days are gone.

The days that are here are filled to the rim with adventure, imagination, way too many "NO's" and just as many "I love you's"...to highlight a few moments of late, here are some notes worth mentioning:

High Chairs are collecting dust as both children would rather dine on their knees or sit on the regular chairs than being in what they would consider the chair for babies!

Dylan, now at 18 months, has expanded his B vocabulary with: Balloon, Ball, Boo for Book and seems to be hard at work with refining a few random words such as umbrella (usually sounds like 'umbellah') and uck for Truck-which of course is accompanied by a big sound and finger pointing as he only says this word when he sees one...He will have to speed up his talking to have any chance at debating Kaitlyn (that girl was singing the alphabet at 18 months)!

I say to Kaitlyn, "I love you, too" and she responds, "I love you, three".

Kaitlyn continues to go to school three days a week and most recently began to stay later on two of the three days to encourage an afternoon nap. On the fourth late day we had a break through-she was found in a deep slumber when I arrived to pick her up. I was so ecstatic, I couldn't wake her up to take her home. It was the strangest feeling, I just wanted her to stay sleeping and sit in awe over her.

Dylan is known at Kaitlyn's school on a first name basis and he even thinks he goes to school when I drop Kaitlyn off. He carries in her lunchbox and places it in her cubby along with helping himself to the cups of water. Her teacher, Ms. Daniels, includes him in her good mornings and circle time when we arrive a little late. Needless to say it's been a wonderful environment for both the children. The routine has paid off and will further pay off for Dylan when he starts there in the new year!

It seems that a million details have been lost this past month due to my lack of documenting the stories of these children. I'm not even sure I can retrieve them from my memory as each day is flooded with new experiences, memorable and imaginative conversations and my ever present mental fog.

Just a highlight...Kaitlyn is truly her father's daughter. This girl is an adrenaline junkie. Recently when I asked her what kind of car she wanted to drive when she was big she corrected me with, "Mommy, I don't want to drive a car. I want to ride a motorcycle." Then she went on to clarify that it would be pink with diamonds. Another adrenaline hint was what she revealed she would like to do for her upcoming birthday....fly in a helicopter wearing her princess dress. Yes. Yes. This is a super frilly girl that will one day tell me about her sky diving adventures, bungie jumping and off-roading excursions. I'm not sure I'll want to know in advance-they will be risky for certain!

A Walk with Cosimo...

"Dylan has a peanut. Cosimo has a peanut.....(pause).....I have a congina!!!"

Profound words from Kaitlyn as we strolled down the neighborhood sidewalk.